Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Good ol' "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey

I actually have some of these quotes printed against a green background and framed in our guest room. hehehe... I want his mind for my own...

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. - Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy! - Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine. - Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it. - Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. - Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

For more deep thoughts .. click here...
http://web.archive.org/web/20021017021255/www.hutchville.com/jack_handey.shtml

5 Comments:

Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I absolutely love these. My favorites are the knife in the pumpkin one, and the one about how it rains when god cries, probably because of something you did.

10:09 AM  
Blogger drkmc said...

Jack Handey is my HERO!! There's one about telling a kid that Disney World burned down and then taking them there after they start crying, but then it's closed. And baby duck hat- love it.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Mel Mega said...

I love the comment about the dog in the space shuttle! Especially since I get the funniest visual! (eww, though not of the dog burning, of it sticking it's head out the window. I swear!)

1:54 PM  
Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I finally got a chance to read some of these and holy cow, my stomach hurts from laughing.
When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs on Mars?" When no one laughed, I was real embarrassed. I don't think people should make you feel that way.
- Jack Handey

9:09 PM  
Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

Here's my favorite, I finally found it.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
- Jack Handey (

9:14 PM  

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